It takes a village for temple's real Jewish wedding
March 3, 2004 by Howard Blas
HAMDEN — How old were you when you attended your first Jewish wedding? Given the costs of weddings, most brides and groups are forced to keep children off the guest list. Children therefore learn about Jewish weddings from parents’ wedding albums, Hebrew school lessons on this life cycle event, or TV shows.”
Norma Grinfeld, director of education at Hamden’s Congregation Mishkan Israel, felt her religious school students were “missing out on something truly amazing,” so she held a “real” Jewish wedding for everyone in the synagogue.
“I never liked the mock weddings where students get married.’ Usually, the boys stand around bored, looking at their watches, and the girls giggle,” observes Grinfeld. “I wanted to find a way to bring Jewish tradition and customs to life.” Grinfeld, who recently arrived in Hamden after serving as assistant director and Hebrew coordinator for Washington D.C.’s Temple Sinai, is passionate about her work.
“So many Jewish families are not happy with their children’s Jewish education--challah covers just don’t cut it anymore,” Grinfeld observes.
“The wedding was a Jewish educators’ dream come true. It incorporated every facet of the templeincluding those no longer associated with the religious school” (because their children have graduated).
Ron and Debra Nudel, active Mishkan Israel members and parents of four children, ages 16, 14, 10 and 6, agreed to serve as chatan (groom) and kallah (bride). When asked how she and her husband were selected, Debra says only half-jokingly, “We are married the longest.”
Nudel reflects on the day fondly, “It was really an amazing event for everyone. The Mishkan Israel chapel was packed. All of the 5th, 6th, and 7th grade kids showed upall dressed up--many with their parents present as well.”
Nudel and Grinfeld couldn’t stop “kvelling” at the level of community involvement in the educational simcha. Three congregants, all professional musicians, played “Erev Shel Shoshanim” as the fifth graders sang. The ketubah was written by a professional artist/ketubah writer and signed by all four Nudel children. Rabbi Herb Brockman, the “mesader kedushim,” explained such laws and customs as the ring and the sheva brachot (seven blessings). And the four Nudel children, all present under the chuppah (wedding canopy) joined their grandparents from both sides, in witnessing mom/daughter wearing her original wedding dress in her “marriage” to dad/son.
At the reception, all guests enjoyed food and a three tiered cake baked, of course, by members of the temple. And they danced the Hora and other Israel folk dances (taught by a religious school teacher), as the Nudels were lifted up on chairs.
Members of the Hamden Unitarian Church had earlier expressed interest in learning about Judaism as part of their comparative religion course.
Grinfeld welcomed the group of 20 fifth through seventh graders and their chaperones; all were struck by the warmth, and they were happy to join temple members of all ages in Israeli dancing.
“It took a village,” notes Grinfeld, as she looks back on the event. “Temple life does have a prayer. There are ways to educate every single member of the community, on every level.” Debra Nudel, a therapist, was pleased that all of the children seemed so excited and that her own kids had a great time and took it so seriously.
“My child is in the sixth grade and has never been this excited about anything in any school!”